Spinach Pesto Gnocchi, Spiders and R – Rated Squash

October 26, 2011

Source: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/robin-miller/roasted-butternut-squash-recipe/index.html and http://bigblackdogs.net/sauteed-potato-gnocchi-with-three-sauces/

I’m not afraid of spiders. I’m afraid of spiders in shot glasses.

This realization came after a trip to the grocery store that forever changed the way I look at squash. This ingredient was required for my side dish. I examined my choices of squash in the produce section. An oddly shaped object by nature, I wasn’t examining them for perfect shape. My only requirement was ripeness.

And then I saw it. Normally I try to describe what I see and smell with words – its a good exercise of the right side of my brain. But I’m going to let this picture do the talking. Normally a picture is worth a thousand words. Tonight, it is worth one word.

I don’t know what it was, but I picked up the penis squash and it seemed like it was the natural choice of squash. I’m not going to talk about it anymore because my mom reads this blog sometimes, and I’m already feeling weird enough about it. I’ll just make one joke:

So that’s why they call it butternut squash. (Get it, nuts?)

I kept the squash uncut until Kelley came over so that I could have some prove to her I found a penis squash. I started preparation by cutting the stems off the spinach. I needed to press the garlic next, so I reached into my utensil drawer.

And there he was.

I’m not afraid of spiders, so when I saw that spider (a brown recluse to be exact) resting peacefully in a shot glass, I just grabbed the nearest utensil to kill him with. I’m the bug killer. I kill bugs. If there are bugs around, I kill them. But this one was huge. And I jabbed at him, and he didn’t die. He came out of the glass. Onto my arm.

I flayed my arms about and he landed on the counter.

“BLOODY HELL! DEAR LORD HELP ME! HELP ME KILL THE BUG!”

I actually yelled this. Alone. In my house. And I grabbed a shoe and pranced around my kitchen, hunting him into corridors and crevices.

Whack. One swing and I stand supreme as the killer of the bugs.

Kelley missed the drama, but came in time to cut up the butternuts squash. (Get it, nuts?). I blended the ingredients of the pesto and cooked the gnocchi. I failed to preheat the oven at an appropriate time so we had to eat the squash as a second course.

Kelley and I determined the main dish was interesting – not good, interesting. The second course came about twenty minutes later, so we forked the sweet flavored squash from the serving plate. I don’t know if it was the squash or just my entrenchment in good conversation with a dear friend, but the second dish took the cake.

Unfortunately there was no actual cake, so we topped the night off with ice cream sandwiches, the dead spider sprawled on a napkin in the trash and the leftover butternut squash looking a lot more G rated.

On to the next one.

 

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