Mallori and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Apron.

August 22, 2011


Oh. Just so you know, I’m better than you now.

I started this blog after having watched talent for a few days. It’s a refreshing thing, to watch talent. That’s why I enjoy live music so much. Its why I got so much pleasure today, reading a twelve page letter from my friend in Korea, who also happens to be an impeccable writer. Its why I enjoy watching my sisters be mothers, and watching my parents be parents, and watching my friends be friends. Its refreshing, watching people be good at things.

One of the cooks who motivated this blog wears red glasses that come apart in the middle, where the plastic meets the ridge of your nose, when she cooks. They’re magnetic. When I was in California and watched her cook, even her glasses made me writhe in cooking jealousy. She works in the kitchen so effortlessly. And everything she made, everything wreaked of talent. You would be so lucky to sit at that dining room table and eat a meal that she prepared.

She also has this beautiful apron, which she made with her own hands. Her daughter, a wonderful talent in her own right, had an apron too. Its not a normal apron. There’s no tie in the back. It loops through each arm, casting over the opposite shoulders in an “x” like pattern. It covers the whole front of you, leaving no area safe for the landing of flying flour or sauces gone awry. Its amazing.

For my 24th birthday, I got a package from my Californian friends. It was such a wonderful gift, and when I opened the last little wrapped part, I became better than you*.

I now own an Amazing Technicolor Dream Apron. I am the favorite son of Jacob. And though I may be sold into slavery by my own brothers for receiving such a marvelous piece of cloth, I want everyone to know that I look awesome in it. Also I want everyone to know that I don’t have brothers.

Tonight I finally got to put it into action. It has been weeks since I have cooked in my kitchen. Vacations, work, applications, friendships, family events have kept me away. But this evening I returned to make an asparagus themed pasta dish, and I looked good doing it.

I had three things going at once. Asparagus in the oven, noodles boiling, balsamic based sauce sulking. I’ve finally got to the point where I can look at the recipe and understand what I am doing before I do it, so I can now multitask.

After enjoying a dinner alone with my Alaskan Malamute lying on the floor next to my bright yellow chair, staring out the window my weed ridden backyard, I refused to disband from my apron. I felt too much power. I can safely say I wore an apron for four hours this evening. I kept it on through my house hold chores and eventually pried myself out of it, feeling the energy leave my body as a superhero does with his cape.

I’m mostly writing all this to stir up envy. I’m writing this from a high, high horse. No literally. I’m on a horse, writing this. I have my MacBook Air resting on his neck and a glass of wine seated in a specially designed drink holder saddle I built**. And guess what? His name is Vladmir. And guess what else? He’s better than you too because he is also wearing an apron.

So thank you,  Recobs, for this amazing gift. It will certainly be a part of many recipes to come. And a source of future arrogance.

On to the next one.

*For full disclosure, I want to assure the falsehood of this statement. Not even a fabulous apron could make me better than you. Or a specially designed horse saddle.


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