Recipe 3: Peach Crisp

March 23, 2011


Guest Chef: Miss Lanzy

“Let’s put on aprons.”

I invited Miss Lanzy to cook dessert with me after a late shift at work. While I was looking up recipes on my lunch break, I remembered one important detail about her, and yelled aloud in the break room: she’s a vegan; I have to make vegan dessert. Dread. Horror. Paralysis.

Don’t get me wrong, I love vegans. A few of my dearest friends are vegans. I respect them for being vegans. I even went so far as to start reading Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. And then I stopped reading at page fifty because I joined a Harry Potter book club. Which is a bad reason. But I do intend to finish it. Not sure it will convert me, but I’m open to change.

My problem is every vegan cookie that I have eaten at the hipster bakery I would hang out at in my college town was dry and made me crave tollhouse. It just wasn’t the same.

So I picked a safe recipe: peach crisp. Because you can’t screw up a peach. Or at least that’s what I thought.

The first step was to blanche the peaches, which I was excited about because I love the show Golden Girls. If you don’t get the reference, shame on you. We put the peaches is some hot water and let them boil for a few minutes. The recipe said only a minute, but peaches are  not in season and ours were a bit hard, so we left them on.

In the meantime we added the flour and “vegetable spread” together. I parenthesize because we don’t know what vegetable spread is, so we used butter substitute, which happens to be correct. We tried to “blend them together” and created a volcano effect. Nothing mixed. But it was fun to watch.

So we hand stirred the rest. I checked in on the peaches. I don’t know what blanche means. Miss Lanzy doesn’t either. As the night progressed we realized this more and more. Is the skin supposed to be practically falling off? Will the peach start screaming when its ready like a lobster does when you add it to boiling water? We decided after about ten minutes of boiling, which is ten times the suggested time, to take them out and peel them. Which was, post blanching, very easy to do despite the fact that I really need to work on my peeling skins.

Peaches in the pan.

Add sugar.

Add the crisp topping.

Cook for 30 minutes.

Bada bing.

A really yummy dessert and a really unhealthy breakfast.

Lessons Learned:

1. If you don’t know what part of the recipe means, maybe you should look it up before you start cooking.

2. Again, I reiterate, look at the recipe before you start cooking.

3. I think I’ll buy the Golden Girls dvds.

4. When I go to target to buy the Golden Girls dvds, I need to buy an apron.

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Special thanks to Miss Lanzy. You’ll be seeing her on here again.

On to the next one. Not tonight, but tomorrow. Family is in town so we’re all dining together tonight. Funny they didn’t invite me to cook…


5 Responses to “Recipe 3: Peach Crisp”

  1. Kristi Says:

    Nice. Ps: is your dog still alive. Her concerned Aunt wants to know.

  2. Sean Coder Says:

    Said it once, I’ll say it again: you’re a really entertaining writer! I love reading your blog, Malpal. It makes me crave a cooking session with you! Peac(h)e(s)!

  3. Sean Coder Says:

    oh, you should write a book.

  4. Joe T Says:

    “My problem is every vegan cookie that I have eaten at the hipster bakery I would hang out at in my college town was dry and made me crave tollhouse. It just wasn’t the same.”

    Well said! Keep going, this is a blog I’ll actually read!

  5. Erin Says:

    Dude. The next time I see you, let’s cook something. Chicken curry soup!

    Chels and I were just laughing out loud. Please keep writing things; the world needs it.

    (And don’t forget — I’m your editor when you get that inevitable book deal!)

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