Recipe 2: Tangy Breaded Pork Chops

March 22, 2011


Listening to: The Strokes (Album: Room on Fire)

This recipe calls for pork chops. When I got home this evening, my thawing meats were displayed as follows:

My dog, who is 100 lbs and has less knowledge than a small pebble, ate them. All of them.

I called the emergency pet line in much less than a panic. Kaia has lived through eating a lot, because what she lacks in brains she makes up for in an iron stomach. Full paper towels, a pack of cigarettes, many whole packs of uncooked chicken, a pan of brownies. She’s a miracle dog. But I called them, and they said: were there bones. I was like: how would I know? She ate them. And they were like: just watch her and find out if there were bones.

I called my grocer, and started the conversation: are you ready for the weirdest conversation of your day? She sent me through to the meat department. The meat department lady comforted me by telling me about how her daughter’s dog just ate some raw meat a few weeks ago. And then the dog died. And now her daughter is depressed. I said: well I hope that doesn’t happen? And hung up. Kaia’s fine. She’s working it out, if you will.

After my sister replaced the eaten loins, I commenced my cooking.

This meal was incredibly easy. All I had to do was mix some mustard, garlic and egg in a bowl. I put this mixture on a plate so I could lather the loins in it. (Is the fact that I keep using the word loins making you uncomfortable yet?) I dipped the lathered loins in bread crumbs and stuck it in a frying pan. 10 minutes later I had some very tasty, very well breaded loins to eat. Two thumbs way up. It was a nice relief after my subpar meal yesterday.

On to the next one.


5 Responses to “Recipe 2: Tangy Breaded Pork Chops”

  1. Sean Coder Says:

    Aw, Kaia! That dog she’s hanging with sure is small.

  2. Zach Fleeman Says:

    Don’t stop writing these. They are incredibly entertaining. Now: I miss my dogs.

  3. Molly Says:

    This is literally the best thing ever. I am never doing anything else in class ever again.

    And, it makes me miss you! and kaia! and all of kaia’s dog hair 🙂

  4. Lisa Says:

    Wow, that is so horribly funny. I will be visiting you soon. I have so many yummy recipes that I would love to share with you. If you want a real challenge, Michelle just sent me recipes for Indian food that seem to be extremely involved and challenging even for the best chefs like my mother.

  5. Kristen Says:

    hahah LOINS

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